Life is good.

Occasionally one or two silly things happen and admittedly I do get affected, but it is easier and easier to step out of misery and life is getting better.

I looked back to some of the things I wrote two, three years ago and I’m embarrassed that I once was so confused, so lost, so gloomy, so bitter.

I’m not much better now, just a little bit brighter.

Circumstances have changed, relationships have changed. Expectations too, have changed.

These are all natural, and I am neither bitter nor glad.

I sincerely believe that whether life is good or bad depends not on my circumstances but on my attitude. – I was told this a lot of times back in the past, but the day I made the conscious decision to believe in this – the day I made the conscious decision to never stop living according to this principle, my life changed for the better, and I thank God for it.

My attitude on school has changed. My attitude on family has changed. My attitude on Christianity has changed. Three main changes in me, and these changes made me a rather different person.

I’m still struggling at times. It’s still hard to live in harmony with everybody. But I believe I’m on the right track.

And I’m very contented with life.

It took me 2 years to adapt to University life, to attain the current frame of mind I have. I’m no longer much stressed about school – sure, I will struggle during Crit week, I will face challenges, but I am at peace with myself already. I’ve still got half the race to run, but I’m satisfied. I’ve recalled why I entered this school.

And I feel God working in my life.

There were several dark years of my younger teens, and I don’t really want to remember them, I was a horrid person living off the blessings God gave and yet cursing God for not giving enough. And then there were a bunch of years when I thought so much more than I ought and got myself (and some other people around me as well) so confused. That was really unnecessary, wasteful and painful. Every other day was gloomy, every other thought was bitter. But still, perhaps that was the only way I could learn.

I think the signals are right.

It is time.

To be a spiritual giant.

God has blessed me and my family immensely. I say that, but I am aware that God’s harsh hand may fall upon us anyday. I can’t say I’m entirely ready, but until the major suffering comes, I will be preparing myself for it. I know not what will happen, and to be honest the only way I can prepare myself is to build on my faith today, so that when bad things happen, I can still worship God and praise His good name. It will be hard, I suppose. I pray today that in good or bad times I will not shame the name of God. I pray for faith, more faith.

Counting my blessings.
qi.

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